July/August 2011 -
How to Get People to Like You In 30 Seconds or Less
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Do you know that it only takes about 7 – 17 seconds for someone to form an opinion about you? Lasting impressions start with your first encounter. The good news is you can favorably influence those first impressions. Whether you’re going in for a job interview, or simply meeting some new friends, these 10 tips will go along way to help you come across more confidently.
In practicing these steps it is important to be genuine and authentic. If you are not, people will know it.
Tip Number One: Smile!
The act of smiling with your whole being can actually improve your mood, and certainly improves your body language. There is a big difference in just smiling with your lips and smiling with your whole body. Practice this in the mirror in a few times, you will quickly see what I mean. So smile!
Tip Number Two: Exude Confidence!
What do I mean, exude confidence? People are attracted to other people who seem confident and together. Now, you may not feel very confident, but practice in front of the mirror appearing confident and see what a huge difference it makes in how you feel, and in your body language. No one enjoys being around someone who appears needy and clingy. As a matter of fact, if you are feeling needy and clingy, AVOID being in a situation where you’ll be with or meet people who you want to trust and like you. They will run like a scared rabbit from you!
Why? Because the needy-gimme-gimme energy pattern is very strong, and even the most left-brained person can smell it a mile off - can’t you?
Tip number three: Breathe!
Yes you heard me - breathe! When meeting someone for the first time we have a tendency to hold our breath. This translates in the body language to being tense. No one feels comfortable around someone who is tense, so take several deep breaths before meeting someone for the first time. This is also helpful when meeting anyone you feel nervous about. Statistics show that it is impossible to panic and take slow breaths at the same time. So, do yourself and your lungs a big favor and breathe!
Tip Number Four: Look people in the Eye.
You know, yourself, that when you meet someone and they won’t look you in the eye, it sends off an automatic red flag signal. So, turn this around to your own benefit, and look people in the eye. Don’t stare and make them feel uncomfortable - simply gaze into their eyes briefly every now and then. Because most people believe that the eyes are the windows of your soul, you are in essence offering your own “windows of the soul.” This makes a big statement that you’ve nothing to hide.
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D., in his best-selling book, Get Anyone to do Anything and Never Feel Powerless Again, quotes a study that shows the power of “eye gazing,” as related to falling in love. In this study, people of the opposite sex simply gazed into each other’s eyes for a few moments and that was enough to produce passionate feelings for each other! Of course you want to be careful what situation you use this in, but why not get those eyeballs working for you? Casual direct glances into the eyes will produce trust.
Tip Number Five: Open your arms. (*Not appropriate for business interviews/situations)
According to Dr. John Diamond, author of Your Body Doesn’t Lie, the universal symbol of nurturing is to open your arms. By opening your arms, you expose your heart. There is no more vulnerable position to be in. By opening your arms and exposing your heart, you truly show that no-one has anything to fear from your presence.
When you’re speaking in front of a group, use this gesture, and people will instantly like and trust you. This doesn’t always have to be a big, grand gesture - keeps it simple. Once again, practice in front of the mirror. You’ll know when it feels right. This move can be applied when you meet just one person, as well. Simply make the movement smaller - you’ll still convey the same message of trust.
*For business situations, simply reach out and give a firm handshake and meet their gaze with a smile and confident demeanor.
Tip Number Six: Point your heart at the person or group you’re with.
This works well in one-on-one contact and you can also use it in a group setting. You have already opened your arms to expose your heart. Now, point your heart towards the person you’re speaking to. If you’re speaking to a large group, make sure you turn your body from side to side so that you point your heart to every single person in place. In essence, what you’re saying is, “I open my heart to you.” Everybody loves the one with an open heart!
Tip Number Seven: Move like a young person.
Society, still equates love with youth, so take advantage of this. It really doesn’t matter if you’re young or not - pretend like you are, and move your body in a young way. Practice! Walk with a youthful bounce in your walk in front of the mirror. You’ll be surprised at how young you feel when you give yourself permission to move like a young person. So try it!
Tip Number Eight: Appreciate Them!
In your mind, find something about them to appreciate. It might be their clothes, the way they stand, their smile, the light in their eyes, or anything! Just find something to truthfully appreciate. Now bring that thing that you appreciate down into your heart center, and allow your energy and body language to reflect this. Believe me, people will read the appreciation in your eyes, and they will like you instantly! You know yourself that when you have seen appreciation for yourself or something you have done shining from someone eyes that it feels really great!
So, we’re down to number nine, and we still haven’t spoken one single word yet!
So, now that you’re ready to have a conversation, here’s what will help people like and trust you.
Tip Number Nine: “So, tell me about yourself!”
These words are irresistible. Most people really do like to talk about themselves - and most people never get to. Give them the chance to talk about themselves, and they will like and trust you instantly. Now, it’s really important to resist the temptation to start talking about you - just let them talk.
After they like and trust you, and you have made a new friend, there will be plenty of time to talk about yourself. There’s an extra added goodie you get by listening, too: by allowing them to talk about themselves, it gives you the space to decide how close you want to become with this person. Learn how to use these important, supportive phrases, too: “Hmmmmm,” “Tell me more,” etc. Another phrase I use with store clerks, carry out boys, and anyone I want to make feel good is, “So, how has your day going been so far?”
Because of this simple question, I have heard the hopes, dreams and fears of almost every carry out boy at my local grocery store. This phrase signifies that you really do care. It is so much better than “How are you,” which elicits the same old ingrained response of, “Fine, and you?”
Try this until it becomes comfortable for you - people will love and trust you instantly. You will get a warm fuzzy feeling, because you have made someone feel better. Learn to ask open ended questions that can’t be answered by a simple “yes”, or “no”.
Tip Number Ten: Validate! Validate! Validate!
Validation is something that every be human being on earth CRAVES! None of us ever get enough of this, and we go through our lives never feeling validated. I have seen marriages fail because there was plenty of love - but no validation. Humans need to be validated. If you want someone to like and trust you, or love and adore you, take every opportunity to validate what they’re saying. Take every opportunity to “genuinely” validate anything you can about them; and take every opportunity to validate aspects of their personality.
Just think of a time when someone validated parts of you - remember how it made you feel?
You, yourself will feel like a million, because you have the power to validate someone else. It will generate all kinds of wonderful energy and feelings. And remember: The law of attraction says, “That which is like unto itself is drawn.”
Whatever you want for yourself, BE THAT to others. It will come right back to you and you will LOVE YOUR LIFE! By following these guidelines to make people like and trust you instantly, you’ll attract - and be attractive to - more trust and love in your own life.
Remember that practice makes this easy and natural. Practice these in front of a mirror. See if a friend or family member can roll play for you. You’re not looking to be perfect, above all you want to be your authentic self, but you simply want people to have the best chance of forming a positive opinion of you.
If self-esteem is an area of your life you would like to improve, consider a hypnosis session or two to truly get to the root of the issue. Positive change is actually quick and easy using the power of your unconscious mind.
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